Now that you're gone
by remusandsnapelover
Summary: Edward has left again, this time for forever. He's left behind Bella to live with the only Cullens left in Forks. Carlisle and Jasper. Can she actually live with them though? There are secrets that lie in this house; one of which could risk Bella's life.
1. Hurt

"I don't _want_ you anymore, Bella." Edward was serious this time, he wasn't trying to protect me. It wasn't like the last time he left because he thought he was taking away my life from me. No, this was entirely different.

"Edward, please." I was almost on my knees, I couldn't take this. Again.

His eyes, his black eyes, stung like torpedoes. "I'll do anything, be anything for you Edward. Please!"

He sighed, the slightest hint of sadness escaping him, "It's not like that, Bella. I just don't want you like I did. I'm sorry for doing this again, but this time it will be for good. You will _never_ see me again. Don't even try to come looking for me, and don't try to cheat and go jumping off a cliff," I winced, "Don't die because of me. This is like any other breakup."

My heart broke then. "No, Edward, it's not. I still love you."

He shook his head, "My family will take care of you. Be good, Bella."

And he was gone. Taking all his love with him, and leaving me shattered, behind. How could he ask so much of me? How could I still love him after he had stolen what was my now diminished soul.

The cold wind and rain of Forks was surrounding me with loneliness. I would never see him again. He didn't even kiss me on the head like last time; didn't even shake my hand and tell me we could be friends. No, he made it the most easy for him, and broke me in half in the process.

"I still love you Edward." I repeated into the rigid air, but I knew that even if he could hear me, he still wouldn't care.

"Bella?" Carlisle was bending over me, with his usual concerned face on.

I don't know how I got to the Cullen's place, or why I had even decided to come here after _he_ left. "Carlisle?" I barely breathed loud enough so that he could hear me. His frown deepened, and in one fluid motion he picked me up and held me in his arms. I buried my face deep into the crevice of his arm, and let the tears run. He sat down on the couch, still holding me, and waited until I was done.

Finally, I wiped the tears from my red eyes and the snot from my nose. I looked at his shirt which was covered in snot from resting against it. "Oh god Carlisle, I'm sorry." My voice was shaky, and I was freezing. He held me tighter.

"Don't worry about it, that's what washing machines are for," He smiled, attempting to get me to laugh, "Look Bella, I know what he did to you. And I'd say I'm sorry a million times over if I thought it would help. What he did to you was wrong. But me and Jasper, we're here for you, I promise." I wiped some more snot from my nose and looked up at him. "When you say you and Jasper..." He sighed and gripped my hand. "I mean _only _me and Jasper. The rest of the family went with... Edward." I looked away when I heard his name. "Even Esme and Alice? Why would they leave you guys?"

I could hear Carlisle chuckle like it was some kind of twisted joke, "Esme felt it would be... better if she stayed with the rest of the family. She wasn't very happy with my decision to stay behind. Alice will visit Jasper from time to time, but I've already made the assumption that she will move on."

He played with my fingers while watching my reaction. "This isn't fair, Carlisle."

"I know," He smiled, "Life has long since been fair."

It was then that Jasper walked into the room. He shifted uncomfortably when he noticed me in Carlisle's lap. Carlisle chuckled quietly, then turned serious. "Jasper, Bella will be living with us now. We're going to have to make some changes, like cooking-." "No! You don't have to do anything for me; I can cook. Please, don't worry about me." I pleaded, and Carlisle looked over at me like he wasn't so sure. "OK then. Well, we'll have to figure out a place for you to sleep. I'd say in... well, we'll figure it out later."

"It is later, Carlisle," Jasper was being really quiet, something I had grown accustomed to over the years. "And if I'm guessing correctly, Bella looks pretty tired. She's had quite a day." Carlisle nodded, and looked down at me. His golden eyes looked so soft, it made me sad. "I'm the only one who actually has a bed in their room, seeing as we don't require one. You can sleep in it." I nodded politely and tried to get up, but his arm closed in around me. "Allow me." He said softly, and carried me up the stairs. I smiled at Jasper on the way out, but he didn't return it. It made me feel uneasy to see him so... well, dead. And to top it off, his eyes were pitch black, not something I wanted to mess with.

Carlisle set me down on his king sized bed and tucked me under the covers like a little girl. "You're doing so well Bella." He kissed my head and lingered there for a minute. I could see that his eyes were closed, and that he was in deep thought. "Carlisle...?" He opened his eyes, the moment apparently gone. "Good night, Bella."

He was gone. _Gone_. I didn't like that word.

I tried to cuddle up into the blankets and fall asleep, but it was almost impossible. I wanted to sing my lullaby, but when I started to hum it, it only brought tears to my eyes. I was so weak, so fragile. No wonder Edward didn't want me; how could I compare to some other vampire girl? I couldn't, I just wasn't enough.

I had nightmares that night. In fact, it was plural, more than one nightmare. It was a mix of Edward leaving with a hint of Carlisle getting mad at me. But the most unpleasant nightmare I had was of Jasper; he was pushing me against a balcony, trying to bite me neck.

"_No, Jasper, please!" One of his hands was tugging at my shirt while the other was pressing me against the balcony. His teeth were positioned right next to my neck, making me wimper. "Shh, Bella, it will all be over soon."_

"No!" My heart was racing as I woke straight up in Carlisle's bed. The sunlight was just coming in through the curtains, bright enough to make me cover my eyes. Something sparkled in the corner. Another gasp came from my mouth. "Jasper! I didn't know you were here!" He smiled, his pointy teeth glimmering in the light, reminding me of my most recent dream. I shivered as he came over to my bed. "Bella, do you ever calm down? You're as stiff as a rock." A flow of calmness settled over me, and I smiled. "Thanks. And you don't have to calm me down like that." He grunted and walked to the door. "Against your protest, Carlisle has made you breakfast." I moaned, "Why didn't you stop him?" His smile widened, "What do you want me to do? Hide you under the covers and tell him that I ate you up?" I bit my lip as he said that, and his smile faded. "I'm sorry." He walked quickly out of the room.

I laughed, I hadn't met to make him go away. But it was probably for the best; Jasper's eyes were still black, and knowing me, I would do something drastic to make him attack me. Accidentally of course. And I wasn't in for being attacked by Jasper, especially not after that dream I had of him.

Carlisle was in the kitchen humming a happy song. When he heard me come in, he smiled wide and opened up his arms for a hug. "Please don't hurt me, Isabella. I couldn't help myself." I hugged him, conscious of him using my full name. "Only today though. You have other stuff to do. Like...," I looked at his eyes which were darker then I had remembered them being yesterday, "Like hunting." He shook his head as he placed a plate full of strawberry pancakes in front of me. "I'm not leaving you alone so soon."

I smiled, Carlisle was always so sweet and caring. How Esme could leave him was beyond me. If I was just a little bit older, give or take a few centuries, I wouldn't mind going for him. He was beautiful, charming, and cunning. The only thing was that I was none of those things, and it would be just like Edward all over again. "Bella?" Carlisle's voice was full of worry; he must have seen the multitude of faces I had made during my contemplation. "Sorry, just daydreaming." I flashed him a big grin that he returned.

A pain struck my chest when he smiled; it was just like Edward's. My favorite crooked smile. I felt the urge to kiss him, to never let go, to beg him to stay with me forever. I was getting dizzy, and my eyes were watering up. "Bella." His eyes watched me as I swayed.

"_I don't want you anymore, Bella."_

The tears were really starting to come down now, and I was hyperventilating. The world was spinning out of orbit. I was truly losing it. Carlisle's strong hands caught me as I started to fall from my chair; his arms picking me up and setting me in his lap. When would Carlisle not want me? Tomorrow? Today? I was so weak, so useless, and nothing but a hassle to him and Jasper. I was nothing, and I would never be something. Always weak Bella, disrupting the Cullen's life and separating their family.

Carlisle would never love me.

I could hear my heart stopping and the distant cry of my name as I counted my last breaths. What had I done to get such patient people like Carlisle? I didn't even deserve him.

The beats of my heart were almost gone, and I was quietly thankful. No more harm would ever come to the Cullens now that I was dying. No more...

"_Don't die because of me. This is like any other breakup."_ Edward's voice still rang in my ears.


	2. Change me

"She'll be fine, Charlie." a familiar voice next to me assured somebody else. "Why didn't she call? She just disappeared again. I swear, one day she'll give me a heart attack," he paused, "Is your family coming back anytime soon?" His voice was hopeful; this must be Charlie.

"No. They will maintain a permanent residence up in Alaska," Was that where Edward was? "I will be staying here with Jasper, and Bella as well, as long as you're not opposed to the idea." I could hear my dad hesitate; what right minded dad would let their kid stay with two other men? "I'm not so sure about that Dr. Cullen."

"I assure you, we will take good care of her. She'll be right down the street when you need her." Carlisle sounded so nice, how could you deny him? I knew my dad had given up; there was no chance in trying to win a debate against a vampire.

I felt a hand brush some of the hair off my face. "Are you sure it was just a concussion?" Concussion? What concussion? And what was I doing here, I thought I was dead. "Yes, I'm sure if it Charlie. If anything else happens, I will be sure to let you know." His voice was warm and smooth, and it left me trying to recreate it in my head. "Charlie, I think it would be best if you let Bella sleep for now. She's had a hard week." This voice was different; more rougher. It must be Jasper.

"Um... yeah, OK." My dad was never good at worrying for too long, and I'm sure he wanted to go home above everything else.

I heard his heavy boots head out of the room that I was in, and it made me kind of grateful to be alone with Carlisle and Jasper. I _knew _I hadn't had a concussion.

"Bella?" Carlisle whispered, unsure if I was actually awake. All I had to do was open my eyes, yet I didn't want to have to face the two beautiful faces I knew I'd see. Reluctantly, I barely squeezed open one of my eyes, and then the other one. I half expected to see nothing, maybe it was possible that I was dreaming and I _was _really dead. But I wasn't.

Carlisle was staring at me with his soft golden eyes, and Jasper was standing a little farther back, looking exceptionally worried. I smiled, and Carlisle looked happily at me back. "We've missed you, Bella." That was hard to believe; who would miss me? "Thanks. I've missed you guys too even though I've been out for a while." I stole a look up at Carlisle, who looked pained. "You want to know what happened, don't you?" He asked quietly, and I nodded. "You had a high fever at first, but then you went into shock. That's the part that confused me though; what were you so stressed about that you couldn't breathe?"

I knew, but I wasn't going to tell him. I wasn't going to talk to him about how I knew I wasn't good enough for him. About how when he smiled, it was just like Edward's. How I was so afraid of losing Carlisle too, just like Edward.

I could never tell Carlisle that, so I just shook my head. He frowned, and it broke me apart to see him so disappointed in me. "Bella, you could have died. I need to know."

Tears were starting to fill my eyes again, and I couldn't stop the bubbling sounds coming from my throat. I saw the pain enter his eyes again, and it made me sob even more; why did he care that I was crying? I wasn't worth being cared about.

His arms cradled me in his, just like the night that Edward left me. My sobs were loud, and his kisses were urgent. He was kissing me; Carlisle Cullen was calming me with his mouth. No, I had to be dreaming.

"Carlisle." Jasper's voice was dark and distant. I had forgotten he was in here, and it almost silenced me immediately.

Carlisle looked up at Jasper, and then back at me. His eyes were regretful, and it made me sad. "I need to know, Bella."

I wiped my eyes, and looked up into his. Then I looked at Jasper, who had replaced a face of hate with his normal face that looked like he was in pain. "I was scared of... you guys leaving me." It was the closest I could get to telling him the truth; and in a way it _was_ the truth. I couldn't go on living without that small part of them I had left.

Carlisle was comforting me again, "You know we would never leave you. You're our family, and we protect our family." He looked up at Jasper for support. "Of course we wouldn't leave you, Bella." His smile was friendly, but his eyes told something different. I was beginning to wonder when the last time he had fed was, and was about to ask, when Carlisle spoke up again. "Jasper, I think Bella will be fine with me for a while. Why don't you go call..." He looked at me hesitantly and then back at Jasper, who nodded and left the room.

"Call who?" I asked suspiciously. He sighed, "I knew you would ask. Alice wondered if you were OK; she still cares about you, you know." I bit my lip, "Did she tell...?" I couldn't go on. "No. She didn't." I nodded, letting the hurt fall into place. Of course she wouldn't tell him, and why would he care anyways?

I was lying down on the hospital bed, holding Carlisle's firm hand. "Carlisle?" I wasn't sure if I should ask him, but I wanted to get his take on it. "Bella?" he responded.

"I was wondering... what you thought about changing me." He breathed in slowly, scanning my eyes for some ulterior motive. But I was only curious, even if I knew that with him changing me it would also include me not being the weak person that I was.

"I wouldn't be too keen on taking your soul from you Bella."

"But you said I was family! You said you would never leave me, Carlisle. It would be the only way for us to stay together, forever." I wanted to be with them forever, and my urgency was almost laughable.

"_The only solution is to change me._" He repeated the words I had said to... Edward, when I had wanted him to change me. "Yes." I whispered. For some obscure reason, I wanted Carlisle's venom to poison my system. It would make no difference, but to me it would make me belong to him. And that's what I wanted.

I wanted Carlisle, for some strange reason, more than I wanted _him_. It was wrong, but he _had_ kissed me. That had to mean something in the world of love.

"Bella, how could you ask me to take your soul from you? And besides, I wouldn't be able to stop. I would kill you." I shook my head, "You wouldn't be taking my soul from me, you know that. And how would you be able to kill me, Carlisle? You have more control than any vampire out there." He covered his mouth, and closed his eyes. Then he looked at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen Carlisle wear. "You have no idea what I could do Bella. And you're so willing to let me do it." He tilted my neck to the side, and I breathed in sharply. "Please?" I whispered. I didn't want to be weak, to grow old while... Edward stayed alive looking beautiful. That wouldn't work with me.

"Why me, Bella?"

I laughed under my breath, "Because I know you're the only one who could do it. I want it to be you, Carlisle."

He looked straight into my eyes, "_You want it to be me._" He repeated. I nodded slightly, begging him with my eyes to lean down and let the venom spread.

He put his hand on my heart, "Listen to your heart beat; it's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard," He closed his eyes, "No wonder Edward had a hard time restraining himself." He said the last bit so softly, I could barely make it out.

He pressed his lips against my neck, laughing. "You're so ready for eternal damnation, Bella. You're asking so much of me." I sighed; of course I was. I was being needy Bella, the girl who couldn't hold her self up straight for fear of falling down into a dark pit.

"Maybe I want eternal damnation, Carlisle. Anything, as long as you don't leave me," He shook his head in protest, but I wasn't done, "I want you. Forever."

He looked down at me, a look of indescribable indecision on his face. "Bella, do you know what you're saying? You couldn't want me, it's... it's not right. And I'm not going to change you, that's final."

"Then I'll get Jasper to do it, maybe I'll be lucky and he _won_'_t_ stop." I turned away from him, but not fast enough to not see his face of hurt.

I was being so unreasonable, another Bella thing. But I wanted him, and if I had to be a monster to do it, then I would be.

"Bella." He whispered into my ear. He wrapped his arm around my side, "Don't say that, please. I'll change you, I will, please just don't say that. Don't say you want to die because of that; you know I love you." His pleas made me feel guilty. "Do you?" I was weak and broken, and I needed reassurance from the one man that would never want to hurt me. I was a selfish and a cruel person, but what else could I do but try to get him to stay with me forever?

"Yes. I will always love you, Isabella Swan." I breathed in deeply. 

_Carlisle would never love me._ My own words echoed in my ears.

"Then change me, Carlisle. Now."

"Don't you think you could give me some time? Some time for you to be sure of your decision?" I laughed into his chest, "I don't want to wait, I don't want to be weak." I held his hand close to my heart, "Bella, you're not weak. You're just broken inside, but I promise I'll make it better. I'll make it go away, Bella."

"Broken enough that I don't want to wait. I don't want it to be like with... Edward," I choked on his name, "Can't you make me better now?" I was starting to plead again. "Bella..." I was becoming a greedy monster again, too much for him to bare. "Carlisle, I need you. I love you, and I don't want to be broken anymore. I-." But he had silenced me with his kiss; almost crushing me under him. The same urgency from earlier was there; he was trying to make me better.

"Isabella..." He moaned into me, "Don't you go thinking that I don't love you enough to change you. I will, but you need to give it up for right now."

His lips moved from mine to my neck, and sent a spine tingling sensation down my back. I sighed into his chest, "I love you, Carlisle."

Jasper coughed from the front of the room. I looked up, thoroughly embarrassed. Carlisle smiled into my neck, not stopping from his pleasure making. Jasper looked away from us, "Alice would like to send her deepest regards." I felt bad for Jasper; Alice leaving him must have hurt him badly. Here I was complaining about Edward when he had also lost his soul mate. And because of me too.

Carlisle got up from his position on top of me to stand next to Jasper. He whispered something so quietly that I couldn't hear it. Jasper nodded and glanced at me. "What?" I wanted to know what they had to say that was so secret. "Nothing, Bella. Don't worry about it." He smiled big, letting all his teeth show. A current of relaxation flowed over me, and I giggled girlishly. "Jasper!" Carlisle laughed, a true heart felt laugh, and it was then that I felt truly at home. I knew these two guys loved me; maybe not in the same way, but it was still love. "I'd carry you, Bella, but I don't know what Carlisle would think." Jasper laughed at me.

"Come on, Bella. I'll get your discharge papers filled out." Carlisle motioned for me to follow him, and I got right up. As he walked out the door, Jasper caught my hand. He traced a line on my neck at where Carlisle's lips had kissed me, and frowned. Carlisle had already left the room, but Jasper wouldn't let me leave.

He kissed my neck slowly even though I tried to pull away. "Jasper, what-," He laughed softly, "You're mine." And he let me go.

When Carlisle asked me what had took so long, I lied and told him that I had lost my way.

It was just for fun, I tried to tell myself. Jasper was a good guy with a good heart. But it still scared me, still made my blood rush every time he looked at me.

If Carlisle only knew... if he only knew what kind of a situation he had put me into.

"_I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."_


	3. Let the vampire in

I was really tired. Like abnormally tired. Carlisle was with me the whole time, keeping his hand close to my head so that my fever wouldn't run too high. He had said that it was probably just left over from my concussion. But we both knew that it wasn't; it had absolutely to do with my concussion.

It had to do with Jasper. Carlisle had got tired of my head burning up even faster when Jasper came in, that he just told him to go out.

I was scared beyond imagine; I knew that the previous days had to mean something. Besides Jasper telling me that 'I was his' in the hospital, he had been watching me from my room every night. It was scary but I had no intention on telling Carlisle. Jasper was probably just... well, I couldn't think of a reason why Jasper would do it.

It was becoming a problem though now. I barely could fall asleep without the worry that Jasper would come find me when Carlisle wasn't in the room. And even when I managed to close my eyes, I would wake up screaming over Edward leaving.

I knew it was hurting Carlisle to see me this way; I hadn't been normal since Edward had left.

"Bella," Carlisle looked at me sadly, "I don't know what to do. Your fever hasn't gone down in the last week." I grabbed his hand, "Just stay with me, please. You'll make it better, I know it."

"I don't think I can, sweetheart. You're screaming in your sleep, and I can't make your fever go down any more than a degree, even when I'm right next to you." He was pained, and hurt me to look at him.

"Maybe I need to call, Edward." His voice was low, but I could hear him all too well. "No!" I just about screamed. "He won't come, he won't! He hates me! I don't want to hear his answer when you ask!" I was shaking now.

"OK, I won't, I promise. But I just don't know what to do, and I'm a doctor." His pain at not being able to help me must have been hard, and I was causing the pain. His black eyes were distraught, and it killed me to think that I was the one who was hurting him. His black eyes?

"Carlisle," I began slowly, "When was the last time you went hunting?" He looked away from me, embarrassed. "A month. I've wanted to take care of you, and I just let it slip," He moved his fingers along the lines on my hand. "But don't worry, I'm fine."

"No, you need to get out." It didn't matter how scared I was when he left even for a short amount of time, I needed to be strong. Strong enough for Carlisle; strong enough for him to love me.

He took in a deep breath, "Bella, I can't leave you here in your current state." I shook my head, "No, I'll be fine. Please, don't stay here just because of me." He sighed, and kissed my palm. "Thank you, Bella. You're so gracious towards me, and I don't even deserve it." He got up, getting ready to leave, but stopped when he looked at me again. "Oh god, how could I have let you hurt like this." He bent over to kiss me on the lips, taking my face in his hands. I kissed back like it was the last time I would see him. I didn't want him to go, didn't want what was out there to come for me. My head was starting to spin, but I wouldn't let go. I drew him in closer.

I let my legs wrap around his torso, and he hauled me up from my place on the bed. I could feel the tears sliding down my face, even though I didn't have a reason for them. His lips were soft, and I couldn't get enough of him. "Bella, I don't have to leave if you don't want me to." He whispered into my mouth. Of course I didn't want him to leave, but how could I let myself be that selfish? He was thirsty and he needed to get out. Taking care of me must have been tiresome, even though vampires don't get tired.

"You need to get out. I'm keeping you from food; I couldn't imagine going a month without eating. Anyways, you'll only make my fever worse if you stay here and kiss me some more." He set me down on my feet and smiled. "You mean like this?" I gasped when his tongue slid into my mouth.

He pulled away quickly though, as not to make me pass out. "Yeah," I wiped away my tears, "Just like that."

He set me back onto his bed and kissed me goodbye. "I'll be back as soon I can." And with that, he was out the door.

I curled up into his sheets; the room was so much more quiet with him gone. It made me scared, and I prayed that he would keep his word and not take too long.

–

I must have fallen asleep, because I could hear Jasper in my head. "_Bella, come with me. You know where to._" _His voice was light in my head as I saw a balcony in front of a lovely house. It wasn't a house though, it was a mansion, and a huge one at that. The sun was bright, and shining on the courtyard that I was standing in. But wait, who is that then?_

_A girl was looking out into the courtyard from where she was on the balcony. And that girl looked just like me. A man came up behind her, smiling. Jasper?_

_The girl, or the girl that looked like me, smiled at his sparkling face. "You're mine." He whispered softly, even though I could hear him from my place in the courtyard. My stomach lurched though when I saw him grab the girl's neck and sink his teeth into it. "No!" I screamed, but I couldn't help. The girl was shrieking, and I had no control over what was happening. "Please, don't!"_

"No!" I jerked awake. Jasper was sitting next to me looking confused but entertained. I moved away swiftly, almost causing myself to fall off the bed. His quick reflexes caught me in time, and I shivered in his arms. "Bella, there really is no reason to be so scared every time I walk into your room." His teeth glimmered in the fluorescent lights, and I backed away out of his arms.

"What are you doing here, Jasper?" I asked cautiously. He frowned, and got up from his seated position. "I came to tell you that Carlisle will be back soon. He was more thirsty than he thought, and he didn't want you to be worried." He looked at me on the bed, cocking his head. I felt a relaxed sensation flood my body, and I couldn't help but let the fear leave me.

"But it looks like you wouldn't even have known the difference. You were asleep until just now." I remembered my dream and about the girl that looked just like me. Why would Jasper do that?

"Is there a reason why you woke up screaming?" Jasper looked at me straight in the eyes. I bit my lip. "Um, I had a bad dream." He snorted, "I think I got that, Bella."

"Well, I had a dream about a vampire biting a human. It scared me." That was all I was going to say; I didn't want to tell him that the vampire was him. He smiled at me, "You don't have to be scared about something like that." His leaned down and brushed a strand of my dark hair out of my face. "After all, it was just a dream."

"Ahem." I looked up from Jasper's cold eyes to see Carlisle. He was staring at Jasper, his eyes pure gold, but dark with anger.

"Thank you for telling Bella that I was going to be late, Jasper, but I would prefer if you didn't stay in her room too long while she has a fever." Jasper nodded, a slight smirk on his face. "I understand all to well, Carlisle. But as you see, Bella's fever is gone."

It is? I hadn't even noticed, and that should have been the first thing that I realized when I woke up. I guess Jasper had stolen my thoughts away from my temporary illness.

Carlisle affirmed that I was better. His cool hand touched my forehead as he looked deep into my eyes. "I'm glad you're better, love."

He shooed Jasper out of the room and took me in his arms. "Jasper didn't bother you while I was away, did he?" I shook my head, "I didn't notice him until I woke up. He scared me though." Carlisle looked confused, so I explained further, "I had a dream about... a girl," I hesitated. He squeezed my hand as to reassure me. "And Jasper was there with the girl," I wasn't going to tell him who the girl was; I didn't need him to worry about Jasper. "They were on a balcony that was facing a beautiful courtyard. It seemed nice at first, but then... then Jasper leaned down and bit her. And that's when I woke up screaming, and saw Jasper there." Carlisle looked troubled, and I wondered if I should have told him about my dream in the first place. "Well, Bella, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. It was just another bad dream." I agreed, and buried my head into his neck.

He kissed the top of my head, keeping me close. "I'm so glad you're feeling better. I was beginning to feel like you may never go down to a normal temperature again. For all I knew, you might have been turning into a werewolf." We laughed together as I played with a button on his shirt.

He looked down and helped me unfasten it. I smiled, and then looked up into his eyes. "Carlisle," I began softly. He looked at me quizzically as I toyed with another button. "Now that we're not worried that I'll pass out when you kiss me... can we..." I stopped, too embarrassed to go on.

Understanding entered his eyes, and he took both of my hands in his. "Bella, we've barely just gotten over the subject of me changing you. Now you want to discuss this?" I looked down, now ashamed for even asking. He noticed the hurt in my eyes, and he pulled my chin up to his face. "Oh, Bella, you know I want you too. It's just that I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to break your body in the process."

I pulled away from him, and curled up into a ball. I felt his mouth press against my ear as he whispered softly, "What can I do to make you change your mind on this?" I smothered myself in my sheets, trying to pull myself away from him. It was a wonder he could still hear me. "You can't. You don't want to change me and now you don't want to love me as much as I want to love you. I'm dying, Carlisle, and you won't even try to love me back." His lips pressed against my cheek as he pulled me away from the sheets.

"What do you mean you're dying?" His soft eyes looked at me sadly. "Every day of every second I'm getting closer. So why don't you just love me enough? I'm dying, Carlisle, I'm dying."

His eyes were broken again, and I couldn't believe what I was doing. The tears swelled up in my eyes, and I turned away to cover myself against my pillow. "I'm sorry, Carlisle, I'm sorry! I'm a mean person, and you should hate me for it. I'm sorry!" I curled up into a ball again, letting my tears spill out. "Bella, love," His words were soft, "Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for."

I shook my head violently, "Yes, I do! I'm taking so much from you, and I have nothing to give back." He leaned against my back and stroked my hair. "You've given me you; what more could I ask for? You're such a beautiful girl, and it's me that doesn't deserve you." I turned around to face him, my eyes all puffy now. "You love me even when I ask too much of you?" He laughed, "Yes, of course. And you never ask too much."

He swung his leg over my body to sit on me. "Now where were we?" His eyes glistened in the fading sunlight. I smiled through my red eyes and began to unbutton his shirt. He caught my hand and I began to wonder if Carlisle Cullen was bipolar.

He laughed at my reaction. "Don't worry, love, I only wanted to warn you about something," I looked up at him curiously. "I haven't made love with someone in around 211 years." I started laughing so violently that he had to calm me down with his kisses. "What's so funny?" He finally asked, looking amused.

"Carlisle, you're not worried that I won't think you're good enough, are you?" He smiled at me, "Well that and the fact that I'm 234 years old, which makes me 13 times your age." I grinned as I took of his button down shirt and kissed his chest. "Physically, you're only 23. That makes you only five years older than me."

He kissed me slowly, "I suppose. But still, the sheer time that I've had to do stuff, and I haven't. I've most likely forgotten everything." I pulled him closer to me and took in his sweet smell. "At least you know something. Edward... Edward didn't want to do anything." He cocked his head to the side and sighed. "That's where you're wrong, Bella. Edward wanted you a lot; he loved you more than most people could love somebody else. He just made a decision in the end. It doesn't mean he loved you any less in the beginning." Carlisle's words soothed me, but I couldn't help but feel bad.

"I didn't mean to talk about him now. I'm sorry." He silenced me with a kiss, "Like I've said before, you have nothing to be sorry about," I tried to argue, but he put his hand to my mouth and shook his head. "Let me love you, Isabella Swan. Let me love you, or I'll die trying."

His mouth was sweet, and contrary to what he had said about being 'rusty', he was amazing. I fell into motion with him, and let him kiss away all the problems that I had. I fell asleep in his arms, my body warm against him, even though he was ice cold.

It was the first night that I dreamed sweet dreams, and I was glad for it. I could hear Carlisle's sweet voice telling me how much I meant to him, and I could feel his cold lips on my neck.

I didn't wake up that night screaming, I woke up because I wasn't tired. And Carlisle was OK with it. He held me against him and told me about the time when he was changed into a vampire. I listened attentively and didn't speak; I didn't want him to finish. When he was done talking, he kissed me all over, whispering my name against my skin.

"I love you Isabella Cullen." And I liked that name, it was well suited. He kissed me once more before taking me out to get breakfast.

"I love you too, Carlisle."

"_The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."_


	4. Now that Edward came back

"Son, please. She's not ready for you yet." I turned over onto my stomach and onto Carlisle's lap. I groaned at my achy body; let's just say I didn't get much sleep last night if you know what I mean.

"Who is it, Carlisle?" He glanced over at me with a determined expression clearly etched onto his face. I played with a string on his sweatpants, while resting my head against his stone hard bare chest.

"No, she's not ready. Edward, _no_." I looked up, my face full of horror. Edward? What was he doing on the phone with Carlisle?

I reached for the phone from Carlisle, but he moved it out of reach. I bit my lip; Carlisle was right about me not being ready for Edward to come back yet. But why would he come back in the first place? He said he didn't want me, and he looked pretty damn sure of it.

"Jasper isn't going to want to see her. It would be best if you two stay where you are." Now I was defiantly curious. Was he talking about Alice? I didn't know whether I wanted to see her or not, but if she came back then maybe Jasper would stop looking at me like I was something to eat. "You need to keep your word son. And I don't want to know what Alice has to say to me," He sighed into the phone, "I'm begging you, Edward. Don't do this to her." He growled at whatever Edward said next, and it made me surprised. Carlisle was never angry; he had the most patience of any vampire I had met. "I see. Well then we'll be seeing you." He hung up the phone and looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Can you forgive me for allowing him to come back?" I looked away from him, out into the dim sunlight. "How could I be mad at you for it?" He chuckled lightly and then looked at me with sad eyes. "He wants to talk to me in person. He's not staying, Bella." I nodded, "Yeah, I guessed he wouldn't." I cuddled up into his arms, taking a deep breath. "Why is Alice coming?"

"That's the reason why Edward is coming to talk to me. She told him something she had a vision of, and he feels like it was important enough to come talk to me about." My mind raced; what could be so important that Edward couldn't talk to Carlisle on the phone about? The Volturi? I shuddered at the thought. Carlisle noticed, and kissed me on the head. "Don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing big," He tried to reassure me, but I knew he was just as worried as I was. "And I'll make him leave as soon as he's done talking to me."

I sighed, and tried to get up and out of bed. "Ow." I rubbed my back tenderly. I hadn't realized just how much it hurt until I tried moving. Carlisle moved his cool hand to my skin, "Did I hurt you last night? I'm sorry, sweetheart, I told you I was going to end up hurting you." I could feel his hand move up my back, and heard him groan when he touched a few places on my spine that hurt. "What have I done to you?" He kissed the bruise softly, trailing down to my thigh. "It's not your fault, Carlisle. I should have noticed and told you something." He looked at me like I was crazy, "Bella, I just understand you sometimes. You wouldn't tell me if I had broken your bones, much less if I was hurting your back." I shrugged, "Rough sex." He laughed, and pulled me up into his arms. "Well, it looks like I'll just have to carry you down the stairs." I pushed him away slightly, even though I knew I wouldn't get very far. "But Jasper will see!"

"Good." He set me back down and handed me my clothes. "So when are they coming? Soon?" I was surprised at the hopefulness in my voice. "Today. Edward was very clear that he wanted to talk as soon as possible." I nodded, and hoped that Carlisle didn't notice my happiness from hearing that Edward would be back soon.

It wasn't my fault; I still loved Edward. There was still that connection that we had, and no matter how much he broke me, I would still love him.

I looked over at Carlisle who was putting on fresh clothes. I loved him, I really did, but I also loved Edward. I was putting Carlisle into a bind, and I couldn't do anything about it. I loved it at his expense.

"Come on," He picked me up one he had finished dressing, "I need to tell Jasper about our guests." Poor Jasper, also having to see the person he loved. And because of me too!

"Carlisle, Bella." Jasper greeted us when we got downstairs. He stalled when he saw me, and smiled darkly. Maybe I didn't really care about him seeing Alice; it might just be his antidote.

"So," Carlisle began, "I trust that you could hear my discussion with Edward from upstairs, am I right?" Jasper turned away from me and nodded. "Then I'll rely on you to keep Bella at ease when he is here."

"Of course, Carlisle. I'll keep Bella safe." There was dark humor in his voice, and it made me uneasy. "I'll make you breakfast, Bella. I need to keep you doing something for the time being." He bustled around the kitchen preparing my favorite-pancakes. Jasper sat next to me discussing what he had seen on the news recently, apparently thinking I cared. Eventually, Carlisle set a steaming plate of his homemade pancakes in front of me and took a seat next to me. I was thankful that when he sat down, Jasper stopped talking about the particularly gruesome killing of a young girl up in Seattle.

When I was done, we sat in the dining room, completely silent. Jasper was stalk still, while Carlisle gave me a back massage to ease the pain from last night. Finally, there was a knock at the door. Jasper got up swiftly to answer the door while I sat in Carlisle's lap preparing for the worst.

And there he was, the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen in the world. My arms felt limp, and I had to suppress myself from my running into his arms. _Edward,_ my heart called to me.

Carlisle squeezed my hand and then moved me out from under him. He walked quickly over to the door where now Alice was also peeking out from. Carlisle outstretched his hand towards Edward, who took it lightly, looking into Carlisle's eyes with his own black ones. Alice was hiding behind Edward, looking like she was scared we were going to jump her. When she noticed Jasper, she gasped and looked away.

It was Carlisle who spoke first. "Edward, Alice, it's nice to see you two back here so soon." Edward looked jeeringly back at him, "I wish I could say the same to you." Carlisle frowned, but motioned him to come inside. Edward came to sit down, looking everywhere but at me. He looked almost thoughtful behind those black eyes, and it made my heart ache. Alice sat next to me, "Alice." I almost cried out. But she shook her head and looked straight at Edward. "So I'm guessing you're wondering why we're here." Edward said darkly. Carlisle only nodded, looking over at Jasper. I felt a calm wave rush over at me, and heard Edward laugh to himself.

"Alice had a vision. One I only too much enjoyed seeing in her head," He growled. "Carlisle, you do realize that when I asked you to take care of her I didn't mean fuck her beyond imagine did you?" Carlisle shifted in his seat looking embarrassed. "Edward, you left. Bella needed someone to protect her-," Edward stood up, going to stand by Edward. He bared his teeth viciously, but Carlisle only looked sad. "And that's how you protect her? It's not only that! You love her, don't you? I leave her with you and you fall in love with her; you're twisted, Carlisle."

"Edward." Alice cautioned from her sear next to me. I sat there quietly, trying to process his words. "That's not the only reason you came here, Edward." My voice crackled from beneath me. Edward looked over at me with vicious eyes, and I backed further into my chair. "Oh, but it is, Bella. How do you think I feel knowing that you want Carlisle to change you? Do you know what Alice saw? She saw your choice; Carlisle straddling you while sucking on your blood. That's exactly what I want to see when I come home." He looked back at Carlisle, this time his voice low and rough, "Don't touch her. Don't even think about touching her." He turned on his heel towards the door, "I don't know what you you're thinking, Bella, but Carlisle changing you is not what you want." I shook my head, "What does it matter to you, Edward? You don't want me anymore! If you were so worried about Carlisle changing me, then maybe you should have done it in the first place!" He looked at me, his smile angry. "You're right. I _don't_ want you anymore," He turned towards Carlisle, "Have fun. I'll defiantly enjoy the thought of my father figure fucking out Bella." He walked out the door, slamming it in the process. "I'm sorry, Carlisle! I didn't know he would... I'm sorry." Alice pleaded with him. She turned away and ran out the door. I could hear Edward's car screech as it turned down the road away from the us.

No one moved in the house. I was on the brink of tears, and ready to pack up my bags and leave. What was I doing in a world full of vampires anyways? I had been foolish thinking that maybe somewhere deep down Edward still cared. He didn't care, and it tore me apart to have to see him disappear again.

"Carlisle." Jasper motioned at him towards me. Carlisle looked over to where I sat, looking like I had just died. "Bella," His arms wrapped around me tightly, and he kissed me on the head a million times. "I shouldn't have let him come, I should have known better."

I grabbed a bunch of his hair and cried into his shoulder. He didn't say anything, just let me sob the night away.

He took me up to his room where he cradled me in his arms. I was a mess, broken to the core. Whatever hope I had left in Edward was gone, and I didn't want anything to do with him now.

Carlisle's cold hands removed my clothes as I finished with my last tears. "Baby, I will always love you." He kissed me on the head and began to get up. I grabbed his arm, "No, don't leave me! Please, Carlisle, please!" I begged for him to stay as I choked on my words. He took off his shirt and let me bury my face deep into his skin. "I will always stay, until you push me away." He breathed deeply into my hair.

We stayed like that for who knows how long, until Carlisle spoke again, "I have to know one thing that now I've been wondering about," He paused to see if I would object, but I just laid there. "Did you really decide that me changing you would be when we had sex?" I blushed into his chest; a warm contradiction to his icy skin. "I didn't really decide it. It was more of a... fantasy." I felt slutty at the thought. It was wrong, but how could I not at least think about it?

He chuckled, the first laugh I had heard in the last few hours. "I wouldn't object, but that would make it very hard to not just kill you right there. I admire you for your creativity though, and I almost wish _I _could see it." I smiled at him and looked away. He exhaled, "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up again." I nodded, still looking away and out the window. It was dark out now, proof at how long I had been crying. He murmured in my ear, causing me to jump. "Would you like me to straddle you and pretend I was going to change you?" I stared wide eyed at him, not really grasping at what he said. Carlisle wasn't usually like that. He was like his son, old fashioned and not at all _dirty_.

He grinned, almost boyishly and kissed me on the cheek. "So how about it?" I nodded almost too eagerly as he moved his body from right next to me, to right below my belly. He leaned down next to me, and his breath was raspy, "Isabella Swan, I am your worst nightmare." I laughed as he kissed my neck sweetly, never biting hard enough that it would draw blood. He moved back up to my mouth, now panting. "See? The end result would be disastrous. Especially if I did this." He unbuttoned his jeans, throwing them away from the bed and onto the floor. I giggled while he kissed his way back up to my neck. He nibbled at the side and I thrashed out, the place now tingling. "Carlisle!" I laughed into his hair as he playfully teased me with his teeth.

"I can see you guys got right to action." Jasper smirked from the door. Jasper! Again? Carlisle chuckled as I covered up my body from behind him. "So if you would be so kind, Jasper, you'll let us be." Carlisle looked unhappy at the intrusion this time, even though I'm sure Jasper could hear us from downstairs. He confirmed my thoughts, "I just came to ask you to be a little more quiet. It's good we don't have neighbors; they'd hear you two miles away."

Jasper shifted uncomfortably as Carlisle moved back to kiss me on the neck. I moaned, and his eyes lit up with surprise. They were dark again, and it made me uncomfortable. He smiled at me slowly and walked out of the room. I tried to pass it off as nothing, and it wasn't too hard when Carlisle was kissing me the way he was. He was right, sex and blood would defiantly lead to my death.

"_Just so you know, there's a space that only you can fill. Just so you know, I loved you then, I guess I always will."_


	5. Jasper

A/N **This chapter is dark. I mean it. There is a part in here that you might just not like. So don't say I didn't warn you. If you're not going to take it well, then don't read the chapter. But I'm assuming since you read the summary and the rest of the chapters, you have a clue as to what might just go on. Anyways, thanks to everyone who has reviewed and subscribed to- it means a lot. I'm sorry that I haven't updated recently... and that goes for all of my other stories too; but I vid on youtube, so writing is just a spare time activity. Enjoy though!**

"I promise I'll be back as soon as I can." Carlisle smiled at me from where he was standing next to Jasper. I smiled back, hoping he was right. But it was time for Carlisle to go hunting- his eyes were growing darker by the day, and he could only go so long before it became uncomfortable to kiss me.

"Jasper will stay with you while I'm gone. But I promise I'll be back by tomorrow." Great, I had to be with Jasper the whole night. If I was lucky, I might just be able to stay in my room the whole day and avoid him.

"Bella?" Carlisle looked softly at me, "I love you." I hugged him tightly, letting go unwillingly. "Come on now, Bella, you don't want to keep the mountain lions waiting for him." Jasper craned his neck to the side to grin at me. Carlisle chuckled, and kissed me one more time before heading out the door.

I stood there for a minute and then turned to go upstairs. "You don't want to spend time with me, Bella?" Jasper joked. I bit my lip slightly, "Actually, I had a book I really wanted to finish. So I'm just going to... yeah." I turned quickly on my heel and walked to my bedroom. I could hear him laughing loudly, "Because you're too busy getting in Carlisle's pants the rest of the time."

My bed felt warm after cuddling with Carlisle the whole morning. I smiled as I pulled the covers over my nose, and opened the book. _Twilight_ was actually turning out to be pretty good. One of the characters in it reminded me a lot of me. I sighed and slipped into a world that was not my own.

I must have fallen asleep after awhile, because I awoke with a start when I heard the loud click of my bedroom door being closed. Groggy still, I rubbed my eyes, "Carlisle?" I blinked a couple of times before the person in front of me became clear. Jasper. "Oh." I swallowed loudly, confused, and a little scared as to why he was in my room. "No worries, Bella. Carlisle said he would be back by tomorrow. I only came to visit you." I repeated the same word as before, "Oh." He just cracked a smile as he sat down on my bed. "Sleepy are you?" I shook my head quickly. He raised an eyebrow, "Then why are you wrapped up in the blankets?" I scooted a little more to the left, away from Jasper. "They smell like Carlisle." My voice was almost inaudible. Jasper just smiled again, "How cute." He licked his lips slowly as he inched more closely to wear I was sitting.

"Carlisle's going to be back in the morning," I looked at him confusingly; he had said it as a statement. "We're alone tonight." I was uncomfortable now. But Jasper didn't seem to notice as he slid right next to wear I was. I was stalk still as he leaned in next to my ear, "I get you all to myself." His hand moved quickly to my face, where he held me in place tightly while his lips crushed my own. I tried to push him away, but it was like trying to move a brick wall. He wasn't going to budge.

All I could manage to get out of my mouth was a muffled cry. His other hand was moving down to unbutton my jeans, while he still held onto my face with the other one. I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but that only made him hold on tighter. He successfully managed to get my jeans off with his one hand and move them away from us. "Give it up, Bella." He laughed before pushing me down under him. "No, Jasper. Please!" I managed to get out. "Please as in you want more? I can do that for you." He ripped his own pants off from underneath me and growled into my mouth sinking into me.

All I could do was scream. All I could hear was my strained breath. All I could taste was him. Jasper.

_Carlisle_.

But Carlisle wasn't here. No one was here to save me from the monster that was Jasper. I was going to be raped, and I couldn't do anything about it.

It was morning when I woke up again. My body was aching, more than the time when I had gotten rough with Carlisle. I could feel the dried tears stained on my cheeks before fresh ones reappeared.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should stay in my room or make a run for it. But where would I go? And what if Jasper was downstairs? _Jasper_. I got up quickly and ran to the bathroom before I threw up on the carpet.

I looked in the mirror; I was sweaty and pale. My hair was messed up and- god- I had bruises all over my chest. I looked at my legs- they weren't in good shape either. But what hurt the most was my inside. I knew he hadn't been cautious at all with me, and that was sure to do some damage.

I groaned as I pulled on some clothes; baggy sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. I wasn't going to let Carlisle see me this way. There was no telling what he would do.

So that meant that I wasn't telling Carlisle. I wasn't going to let him know that I was hurt, and that the man responsible for it was in this very house. So when he opened our bedroom door later, I kept silent. I was curled up in a ball, even though it hurt more than I could say. "Bella, sweetie, I'm back." I looked up at him, forcing a smile on my face. He smiled back, confusion lining his eyes. "I missed you." I whispered. He sat down next to me and put a hand on my waist. I refrained from wincing. "Are you OK?" He swiped a hair away from my cheek and put it behind my ear. "I'm just tired." And I was; I just wanted to sleep the rest of the day. "Then go to sleep. I'll be right here." He slid under the covers next to me. I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest. "Carlisle, promise me you'll take me with you next time."

I couldn't hear his response, but I could hear the small gasp after it before falling unconscious. Carlisle had seen a bruise.

"_In a real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day."_


	6. Bruises

A/N **This is a short chapter, but I felt like it was necessary to add in. So it may look like everything is all better and what not, but let's not get to excited. :) Maybe Bella and Carlisle won't have a happy ending... maybe I'll make Jasper kill her. It's all in my hands. No, I won't really do that... but just so you know, the story is not over. I have more stuff! This might actually be the first chapter story that I finish. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed the story and subscribed to it, it means a lot to me. Feel free to make any suggestions or give a comment.  
**

How was it that I was now lying in my bed hiding from the man I loved? "Bella, please. Where did you get those marks?" Carlisle had pushed my sleeve up to reveal several bruises on my arm. But how could I tell him? How could I tell him that it was Jasper; Jasper who had brutally assaulted and raped me. I couldn't. It was his son.

It didn't stop there- the surprise. Carlisle's soft hands found many other bruises all over my body. And that's when it clicked for him. I had never heard the outrage in Carlisle's voice like that; not even when Edward had left. "JASPER!"

I grabbed his arm to prevent him from running down the hall and grabbing Jasper by the neck. "Carlisle, no! Nothing happened! I... fell down the stairs!" I pleaded with him, but the anger in his eyes told me that I wasn't convincing him.

When Jasper walked in the room, Carlisle was on his feet, despite my feeble attempt at trying to hold him back. "How do you explain this?" He grabbed me by the arm and shoved my sleeve up for Jasper to see. I whimpered slightly, but Carlisle wasn't paying attention. "You were gone," A small smile played on Jasper's face, making me huddle behind Carlisle. This man scared me, he was just what you would think a typical vampire would be. Cold.

"_You left her_."

Carlisle dropped my arm, and then it was a flurry of motions. At one moment Carlisle was flying at Jasper, and at another Jasper was holding Carlisle by the neck. Then he was gone. Gone? It was just me and Carlisle in the room at that moment, and it took me a while to register what was going on. Jasper had fled.

"Carlisle." My hand rested on his shoulder. He turned around with a snarl, and I jumped. Tears welled up in my eyes, and he immediately took me into his arms. "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't know he would... I'm so sorry." He held onto me tightly while I sobbed into his chest. "He's gone now, love. He's not coming back."

But how could I know that Carlisle was telling the truth? How could I believe him, when I didn't even believe it myself?

"How are your arms?" Carlisle stood behind me, massaging my shoulders gently. "Healing." I spoke softly; it had been a week since Jasper had left, but I was still haunted by nightmares of me and him in the bedroom.

"_Bella, Bella!" Carlisle's voice was ringing in my ears, but I couldn't wake up. The vivid picture of Jasper's face was painted into my mind while I heard his ragged breathing. It was like he was right there. "Bella, wake up!" It was Carlisle's arms shaking me that woke me up. I was covered in sweat, and my cheeks had dried tears on them. Carlisle held me in his arms the rest of the night while I sobbed quietly. "I promise I'll never let anything happen to you again."_

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice dragged me out from my memory. I looked up into his eyes and smiled- something I hadn't done in a long time. "I'm just tired." He smiled back slightly, a grim smile, but a smile none the less. "I'll get you to bed early tonight." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, "You're to sweet for me." He kissed me back and took my chin in his hands. "Maybe that will be some redemption for being damned."

He kissed me again before his cell phone started ringing. He looked at the caller ID and hesitated a glance at me before answering, "Edward." My heart stopped beating for a moment. "Yes. Yes, he has left. I'm glad you trust Alice's visions so much. No, you can not have her," He growled at the point, "That's not your decision. She's under my care now." I shifted uncomfortably in my chair; I hated not being able to tell what Edward was saying. Carlisle sighed, "Fine, I'll put her on."

"Hello?" I asked when Carlisle handed me the phone. "Bella," I could hear Edward's cool voice on the other end. It was like an angel's. "Are you alright?" I almost laughed at the question. Was I _alright_? "I'm doing... OK." "I just wanted you to know that you're welcome here with me and Alice. Um, Alice suggested that you should stay with us because it would be better for you. Safer even." I choked on this one. "Better? No, Edward, I don't think it would be. Thanks for the offer... or Alice's offer, but Carlisle is keeping me perfectly safe here."Edward snorted at this, "I can tell. But Bella-," I grasped the phone again just before handing it away to Carlisle, "Be safe." It was the first kind words I had heard from Edward since he had left. "Thanks."

I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I handed the phone to Carlisle. "I told you so." Carlisle chuckled.

And I laughed too, because this was one of the friendliest conversations the three of us had had in a long time.

"_You have to forgive to forget, and forget, to feel again."_


	7. With a fresh pair of eyes

**A/N I got another chapter up! Thanks for the nice reviews; it makes me all happy inside.:) I didn't want to stay in Alaska too long with Edward... really, he's not my cup of tea to write about. So I added some drama... With drama of course comes depression, (Dun-dun-dun) so prepare for _that _side of Bella. And enjoy! (Don't worry about the Carlisle/Jasper thing; I have the ending all figured out. Hehe, I had a dream about it. That's how I came up with the story.)**

It was because of the friendly conversation that me, Carlisle, and Edward had had on the phone that made the decision of us going to visit him and Alice. It took a lot of persuading on Alice's part, but finally I got enough courage to go up to Alaska with Carlisle.

Carlisle was forbidden to hug me until I got used to the cold-two jackets wasn't enough to keep me warm. "Are you-u-u sure about this, Carlisle? If you don't want to see him you don't have to come." Carlisle placed his hand gently on my waist, "I'm fine with seeing him as long as you are."

I think I almost fainted when I saw Alice because of the pure joy I felt from seeing her. "Alice!" I embraced her tightly. It was then that Edward walked hesitantly down the stairs into his living room. I smiled at him while he stood there awkwardly. He smoothed back his hair and walked over to Carlisle, shaking his hand. "Good to see you guys."

Carlisle looked happy at seeing his children; more happy than I had seen him in awhile. "It's good to see you too, son," Alice fake pouted when Carlisle didn't add on her name, "Alice!" He grinned at me while hugging Alice. Edward looked over at me again and simply nodded a hello; there was nothing else needed.

I think I was getting used to the idea of being in Alaska. It was only my fifth day there, but I was going with just a long sleeved shirt now. I thought it was a big step. Things were... sort of normal. Edward was awkward with everyone whereas Alice was back to her usual bubbly self.

"Bella! Don't tell me you're wearing _that_ to dinner."

"Alice, it's not like we're going anywhere."

"We're going to the table!"

Carlisle seemed OK, but he was hesitant when Edward was around me. Almost like he didn't trust him... kind of like how he didn't trust Jasper. And how was I? Well, besides the games of dress up that Alice made me play, I was all alright. I was with the people I cared about, and that's all that really mattered.

"Um...Bella." Edward's cool voice came from behind me, making me jump while I folded my laundry. "Oh. Hey, Edward," I managed a grin. "What's up?" He stepped closer to me and I fought the urge to bite my lip- I wasn't quite ready to be near any guy besides Carlisle, even if it _was_ only Edward. "I was wondering if you would like to go...shopping later." I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow and laughed. "Shopping? Come on, Edward; you know we both aren't into shopping." He shrugged, "Alice said you needed some new clothes." Alice. Darn that girl. "Yeah, that sounds fine. I'll be down there in a minute."

And so we were stuck in line waiting for some lady to finish complaining about the horrible customer service. "You're the manager! You're _supposed_ to take care of me."

"Edward, this is stupid, I really don't need any clothes-"

"I wanted the purple shoes, and you gave me the black ones!"  
"No, we're going to wait here until she leaves. Alice specifically told me to not leave the mall until we got you new clothes."  
"I want the purple shoes!"  
My head snapped away from Edward to the lady clad in hideous leopard print who was yelling at the manager. "Hey, lady! You're not the only person in the world who doesn't get what they want. So either take the shoes or F off!" The woman turned to look at me astonishingly before storming off. I blushed and Edward chuckled next to me. "Come on, let's buy the shoes and get out of here."

* * *

"And she's all like, 'I want the purple shoes!'" I laughed as Edward held the door open for me to the inside of his house. A huge grin was plastered on his face- the same kind of grin I used to see when we were together. "Well, you told her off." I smiled down at him as I placed the bag of clothes onto my bed. "You know, Edward, it was really nice getting out with you today. I've... missed it." I looked down at the ground before looking back up into his topaz eyes. "I've missed it too, Bella." He stepped right in front of me, taking hold of my chin. It sent shivers down my spine. "Maybe we should get out more often..." His voice trailed off to kiss me softly on the lips.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice faltered from the doorway, just a few feet away from where Edward and I were standing. My mouth opened a little in protest, "Carlisle, it's not what you think-."

But Carlisle was already out the door. "Carlisle!" I tried to run after him, but Edward caught me by the arm. "No! Don't! You knew he was listening!" I swung my arm out of his grasp to run after Carlisle. "Carlisle!" I yelled, running down the stairs. I don't think I had ever seen such a broken look in someones eyes. If Carlisle Cullen could cry, there would defiantly be tears in his eyes. "I shouldn't have stayed in Forks. I only caused you more harm by staying."

"No, Carlisle, please. I didn't want to kiss him, he just took me right there."

"Bella, it's not about you kissing him, or even the other way around. I'm not... right for you."

"What, you're going to be like Edward and tell me I'm not good enough for you? Really? Really?"

Carlisle's eyes closed briefly in pain before he pulled his jacket on and walked out the door. "Carlisle!" My strangled voice whimpered one last time.

Edward stood on the stairs with an expressionless face. Alice was silent, her mouth slightly open as if she wanted to say something. And I... I was falling apart. "F*** Forks. F*** vampires!" I shut the door to their house behind me and crawled into the drivers seat of the car I had rented. Carlisle must have ran... _Carlisle_.

"Bella, I'm not going to let you go home like this. I'm driving." Alice's smooth voice purred in my ear. My vision was too blurry, and my throat was too groggy to protest, so I let her drive me back to Forks as I lay down and fell asleep. What I saw last was Edward on the front porch watching me leave.

Again.

"_'Cause I want to be seen  
With a fresh pair of eyes"_


	8. Alone

**A/N Yes, this is short... I had to do this chapter separate because I wanted Bella's feelings about Carlisle leaving to leave an impact. I'm also trying to draw out the chapters... you see everyone else having 30 chapters and what not, and I have less then 10. I mean, I suppose I have an idea in my head... it would involve Jasper, and it would prolong the ending of the story. So if you guys are up for a little adventure, then we'll have to put up with most of Carlisle being gone for a while. MOST of Carlisle. Sorry about the way it's formatted on here... this site never lets me indent. Thanks for the lovely reviews! :)  
**

It's been a while since Carlisle left. I haven't heard from him or even Edward. Alice... Alice only calls me once in a while. I suppose Edward doesn't want her to talk to me.

I'm all alone. The Cullen house isn't the same since he left. And I'm not the same.

The months spin by and I haven't even made an attempt to do anything. I don't turn on the lights; I've stayed in the same ratty sweats and Carlisle's shirt for the last month or so. I don't even know what day it is.

It's like a huge whole has been punched through my chest. First Edward left, now Carlisle is gone. I don't even care if Jasper comes by; I'm so out of it.

I'm so alone.

Alone.

_I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave _  
_Was it something I said or just my personality?_


	9. Screamin' No! No! No! NNo!

**A/N Don't say I didn't warn you on this chapter. It's one of _those _chapters again, and although it's not graphic, it's still what it is. So anyways, like I said before, I really would like to get eome more chapters done before I finish the story. This is one of the most reviewed stories I've got, so I want to try and make it last for you guys. Tell me what you think about it... do you like *gulps* Jasper? (Well not like him. We all hate him in this. But do you like that he's back?) What do you think about ghost Carlisle? And should Edward come back? (I don't know what I would do with him though) Thank you for all the favorites and story alerts.**

"_Ringidy ding ding dingy dong, ringidy dong ding__ding dong. Ding ding a dingy dong._" My phone went off on my bed stand. I groggily slid my hand out from underneath the covers to grab it and look at the caller ID. Alice.

For once I didn't want to talk to her, so I let the phone slip out of my hand back onto the stand. "_Ringidy ding ding dingy dong, ringidy dong ding__ding dong._" The cell phone kept going off. "Shut up!" I covered my ears in protest and groaned.

"You really should have picked that up." A voice from the other end of the room whispered. My head slammed against the headboard as I jerked it up in surprise. It was- oh god- Jasper. The hair on my arms stood up and he grinned. "Miss me?"

"You wish." My voice was cracked in fear as I tried, hopelessly, to sound confident.

"I hear Dr. Cullen checked out of Forks for a while. Or should I say for forever?" I took a deep breath as I heard the name of my former lover roll off the tongue of this bastard.

"He's not gone." I began to protest, but Jasper cut me off with his hand.

"Then explain to me why he hasn't been here in the last few months?"

"How do you know he hasn't been here?"

Jasper smiled again, inching closer to my bed as he began to speak. "I've been watching you, Isabella." I felt fear trickle down my spine as he spoke my name. "I know you've been in this bed the whole time, feebly trying to live a _normal _life. How does it feel? How does it feel to have both Edward and Carlisle gone from you now?" I gulped as he stood next to my bed. I tried inching away, but all I hit was the wall. "They left you because you're worthless. You're nothing to them; nothing." He grasped my arm tightly and dug in with his nails.

"Don't! Don't touch me!" I shouted at him as the memory of the night he assaulted me came into view.

"You know you want it, you dirty whore." His southern accent ripped fear into my entire body as he slammed down onto me.

"Carlisle!" I screamed while Jasper ripped the clothes from my body. I tried to grasp Carlisle's shirt that I had been wearing, but Jasper held it away from me. "Does this mean something to you?" He grinned as, with one hand, he tore it apart.

I began to sob, but it didn't phase Jasper. "He's not coming for you Isabella." He growled in hunger.

"You're mine now."

* * *

I wasn't much of anything anymore. What I was was this shriveled up being chained to a bed. It was all I had left of Carlisle- his bed. I was stuck in lingerie that made me uncomfortable, and my body was full of bruises from where Jasper has so taken a liking to sucking the blood from. I was lucky he had even stopped. Or maybe I wasn't; maybe I would rather have been dead.

I was nothing, just like he had said. When he would come into my room, I would curl up into a ball and pray that it didn't hurt as much this time.

My eyes were red from crying all day, and my stomach growled from lack of food. Alice hadn't called me again- or if she had, I wouldn't know, because Jasper took my phone away. It surprised me that she never came by, or that she never saw this coming. That in itself was enough to make me cry; the thought that Alice didn't care enough to come save me.

"Hello, Isabella. How are we holding up today?" Jasper's cold words whispered in my ear as he slid his hands across my bare back.

"Go away." I tried pushing him away with my feet, but he wasn't budging.

"How's the rescue from Carlisle coming? I can tell he's made some _great _progress." I started to tear up like usual, the words stinging.

"_Bella."_ I whipped my head up to look into the face of Carlisle. But it wasn't Carlisle... it was like seeing a ghost. "Carlisle." I whimpered, desperate for him to come to life.

"Carlisle isn't here to save you, Isabella. He's gone, because he knows you're a filthy whore."

"_Tell him off, Bella."_ I looked back into the eyes of the ghost, and looked back at Jasper with hatred.

"Go away. You're the whore!" His eyes widened with shock, and then he smiled mischievously.

"Then we'll make the perfect pair."

"No!" I screamed in his ear, and looked back up, desperately searching for Carlisle. But no one was there. A piece of my heart broke as I realized that Carlisle had left me, again, when I needed him most.

"Mmm, your pain will make for the most entertaining time ever." I whimpered as he kissed my neck and trailed downwards to bite my shoulder.

I stopped fighting and went limp. Maybe if I was in enough danger, Carlisle would come back. If I couldn't get away from this nightmare, then I would do everything in my power to keep 'Carlisle' with me. Even if it put me in danger.

_So you never know, never never know,  
Never know enough, 'til it's over love  
'Til we lose control, system overload  
Screamin' "No! No! No! N-No!" _


End file.
